The Day the Skepchick Empire Stood Still
So today while chatting with Jill I mentioned that I share the same birthday as Douglas Adams, therefore, according to astrology, I’m the exact same person. She told me this meant I should start writing more books so I wrote a story for her. This is the first of many legendary adventures of the Skepchicks:
Once upon a time…
There was a unicorn named Jill who turned everything her golden hooves touched pink.
One day Rebecca came knocking on her door. Jill opened it and Rebecca tackled her and wrestled her to the floor!
Jill was very sad. What could have made Rebecca so angry that she had tackled such a pretty unicorn?
It turns out that in the process of writing a blog post, Jill had made the entire Skepchick layout turn PINK! Teen Skepchick, however, had mysteriously turned rainbow-coloured.
Rebecca was quite cross with Jill. “Don’t make me send you back to Neptune! And don’t make me tell your Jehovah’s Witness boyfriend about your blood transfusion!!! And your anti-vaxxer parents about that HPV vaccine!!!”
Jill was very scared now, but it was part of her nature to turn everything around her into bright shades of Pink.
Suddenly, it started raining young earth creationists who then proceeded to try to burn the Library of Skepchickadia for having books about, *gasp*, EVILUTION!
Pithchforks and torches flew about in a great kurfuffle, and Elles saw Jill’s new Twitter message.
Princess Elles, Katherine, Vy, and Cassie suddenly appeared out of the shadows decked out in their awesome ninja gear. Elles started shouting “what are you doing standing here? The Creationists are being anti-intellectual retards again! This looks like a job for… THE SKEPCHICKS!”
Suddenly Rebecca was dressed in Sailor Moon garb with an expression on her face that clearly said “what the Hell is wrong with Elles?”.
A.Real.Girl had come charging toward them with her Pikachu and an ice cream cone.
Writerdd was beamed down from the Enterprise by Scotty and was sharpening her knitting needles.
Stacey popped up out of the ground brandishing the Sword of 100 Logical Fallacies.
Tkingdoll parachuted down with her sonic screwdriver, looking very angry.
Masala Skeptic limped over to the ‘Lil Skepchicks, waving her cane about, shouting at them to get off of her lawn and stop crushing on scientists who had gotten their PhDs before they were born.
Elyse showed up with her adowable son in her arms, who had a gigantinormous crush on Jill and was reaching desperately to touch her mane.
Sam had rushed to the scene so quickly that he hadn’t had time to shave his head. The Skepchicks all felt their mouths drop as they stood in awe of his great hair. It dawned on them all of a sudden that if he ever let his hair be seen in public, all the skeptical women in the world would swoon at once and skepticism would be doomed forever.
Luckily, Amanda showed up next with a knitted fedora hat.
Vera and Evelyn ran to the scene, screaming like a mad women and waving their arms about sporadically, holding peer-reviewed scientific journals.
Phil Plait poked his head out his window momentarily, wondering what all the commotion was about, but decided that he was too good for the Skepchicks to come help save the Library of Skepchickadia and went back to drinking tea, helping NASA cover-up the existence of Nibiru, and being an elitist.
Carr2d2 gave Phil a meaningful glare and took out her light saber, not sure whether to go slay the president of the JREF, or save the Library of Skepchickadia.
Bug Girl and several dung beetles started flinging poo at the creationists.
And Adam Savage and Professor Severus Snape came out of the Tardis!
The creationists suddenly became confused and ran to Ken Ham’s creation museum to burn it down.
Ken Ham’s fangirls were devastated.