Miss Bimbo eats my soul
Over the summer I discovered an online game similar to Neopets or Habbo Hotel, except sixty times more horrible, with skankier avatars, and even more vapid game advancement. And a badly maintained site.
It’s called Miss Bimbo. There was some negative press about it earlier this year, but I hadn’t discovered it until August, when I finally decided to test drive this game for myself. I’ll tell you the verdict in advance: demeaning, poorly designed, and possibly damaging.
Warning: This post acknowledges the existence of sex.
I laughed when I saw this game, but more out of horror than genuine amusement. The objective, according to the website, is to…
Become the hottest, coolest most intelligent and talented bimbo the world has ever known!
Aside from the critical absence of a comma or two, there is something very wrong in this sentence. It’s the word bimbo. Here’s some etymology for you: “bimbo” originally described some fellow who was usually stupid or contemptuous. Wikipedia and a draft addition to the OED now define the word as a sexually attractive woman with limited intelligence. Why, then, does it say that the goal is to become the most intelligent bimbo out there?
I soon found out. After a brief, free registration I discovered that my default Bimbo character had stats. It didn’t list her height, but it showed a waifish looking avatar at 127.6 pounds. Yes, her weight was listed to the tenth decimal place. She also had 1000 bimbo dollars, and an IQ of 70.
Now you know: the default bimbo is borderline retarded, in the real clinical sense. So much for encouraging intelligence. I guess it’s not hard to be an intelligent bimbo.
To be fair, the highest attainable job, architect, requires an IQ of 170. But scaling the career ladder is not the emphasis of the game. Bimbos advance most quickly if they have a lot of Bimbo Attitude (BA)–this allows them to earn money by betting on their bimbo to win Challenges against other bimbos in the game. Winners are determined by who has the most BA and is wearing the most expensive clothes.
If you have a lot of BA, there’s also no need to earn money and get higher paying jobs. Such bimbos can just get better boyfriends (a billionaire, as opposed to an old actor) who actually give them money everyday. That’s right: boyfriends are money-making accessories that fund your addiction to fashion. At higher levels you have to get a facelift and a breast augmentation in order to advance.
Now you’re thinking: this has to be a joke, right? The creators of Miss Bimbo claim the game is mostly ironic. But he simultaneously says: “[Young children] learn to take care of their bimbos. The missions and goals are morally sound and teach children about the real world.” I don’t quite know how to reconcile these two statements. Sounds like someone is evading questions.
Many have criticized the game for promoting anorexia and plastic surgery to young girls. He retorts that “the average age [of players] is now 18, it’s not 9 to 13 as some people claim.” Is it any better that college-aged women are playing this game? I would even argue that 18-year-old women are even more self-conscious and easily influenced than 9 to 13-year-olds.
After all, they may be eager to attract young men, and completely confused about what attracts them. (Personal acquaintance with many young college-aged women leads me to believe this. Attending college parties also leads me to believe this.) Playing a game which emphasizes flawless appearance, competition among women, and the constant need for a boyfriend doesn’t sound healthy. These young women are making decisions about their self-image and their ambitions. Do we really want more Paris Hilton wannabes in this world?
Some might argue that young women are playing this out of plain amusement. Haha, such a person might say, a game about bimbos. I have to discredit this claim. The game is repetitive, boring, and devoid of playing value. There are less than ten available games to play in order to gain money and IQ, and they get old very quick. Given the limits on playing each game every day, it takes a very long time to level up and actually get anywhere in the game. The easy way out–and I suspect all players over level 10 have done this–is to pay the game creators for IQ and bimbo dollars. Nobody is playing this game because it’s a free and entertaining distraction. They’re playing it because they’re devoted to creating the perfectly slutty bimbo and dressing her up in as many sheer clothes as possible. (I’d like to add that the clothes aren’t even particularly fashionable. They’re mostly just tight and revealing.)
I tried to devote myself to playing all the way to the top, but I realized it would take months and months to do so if I refused to shell out any money. And I refuse to pay these guys. They either have a very poorly executed sense of ironic humor (and I will not stand for poorly executed humor), or they’re misogynists who don’t care about what teenage and college-aged women think about their bodies or their self-worth. Or–who am I kidding–maybe it’s both!
Next time perhaps I’ll do a more uplifting review of an encouraging online community or game for young women.