• neverjaunty posted a new activity comment 3 years, 9 months ago

    “You’re dangerously close to mansplaining to women about a situation which we are quite familiar with”

    I’m a woman. And more than a bit amused that you keep assuming you are the only one who has ever experienced the things you are talking about, like a man withholding sex as an emotional gambit, or sleeping with a guy who was completely c…[Read more]

  • neverjaunty posted a new activity comment 3 years, 9 months ago

    marilove – In the article, Olivia repeatedly talks about the trope that men want sex and women withhold as a power play, men will get it elsewhere if they don’t get it at home, advice columns routinely talk about ‘always women’ withholding sex, and “underlying all of these myths is the assumption that sex is about ownership rather than about a…[Read more]

  • neverjaunty posted a new activity comment 3 years, 9 months ago

    Pervocracy (NSFW mostly) has also been doing a hilarious takedown:

    http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/

  • neverjaunty posted a new activity comment 3 years, 9 months ago

    And by “Western man” we mean “the scientific and medical consensus”. I doubt very much that men as a whole were ignorant of the fact that women could enjoy orgasms. Hell, until the Enlightenment, the belief in Western culture was that women were the ones with their brains in their pants; that was the reason they were disproportionately witches,…[Read more]

    • Are you sure about that?

      I once dated a man, about 10 years ago (when I was 23 or 24) who was at least 8 years older than me, and pretty good in bed; we had a really good connection and the sex was great.

      But he told me, later, after we stopped dating (it wasn’t a serious relationship by any means) that he had never, not since he’d starting…[Read more]

      • “You’re dangerously close to mansplaining to women about a situation which we are quite familiar with”

        I’m a woman. And more than a bit amused that you keep assuming you are the only one who has ever experienced the things you are talking about, like a man withholding sex as an emotional gambit, or sleeping with a guy who was completely c…[Read more]

      • Women can also mansplain. But I take your point.

        Oh a hysterical fit. I see.

        I was quite reasonable but sure, why don’t you attack me instead of actually responding to my points.

    • In fact, the man I mention argued with me that “every woman I’ve ever been with was able to have an orgasm without stimulating her clitoris” which is just straight up fucking false, I am willing to place my entire bank account on it being false. That’s not how biology works, for most women, and yet he argued with me about this and would not, no…[Read more]

  • neverjaunty posted a new activity comment 3 years, 9 months ago

    “and that person stops having veto power over you having sex with other people”

    Do they? At what point does that shade into “If you don’t give it to me I’ll get it somewhere else”?

    • When the differences are irreconcilable, despite good faith attempts such as counseling, improved communication, compromise, etc, it’s over. No fault divorce. We’ve had it in Australia for decades. Cue butthurt from lawyers out to make a buck.

      The key words are “irreconcilable differences”.

      • Despite the flowery language, I don’t see any real difference between that and “do what I want (/need) or I’ll leave”.

        Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with leaving a relationship when your needs aren’t met. I would currently end things with my SO if they insisted on a sexual relationship I wasn’t comfortable with, or tell them to leave if…[Read more]

      • @d506: Not a lawyer, are you? 🙂

        I’m trying to keep this brief but accurate, and the words were carefully chosen.

        Any counselor worth their salt would point out that attempted coercion into sex was a jerk move likely to end in disaster. The presence of an objective and skilled third party makes the difference.

      • @d506: …and a compromise could be reached. For instance, I don’t know why they don’t settle on one good session per week. That way she only has to do it one more time a month than she is already, and he stops pestering her every single bloody day. But they have to work it out themselves.

        That brings me to the most important point, that they…[Read more]

      • Walls of text sure are tall with the new format! 🙂

  • neverjaunty posted a new activity comment 3 years, 9 months ago

    “Sex is something that two people do together” – which is exactly why the cookie analogy is horrible. It ties right back into the myth Olivia wants to attack, which is that sex is something women might enjoy incidentally, but is really something they do as a favor for their male partners – like baking cookies for your SO to eat, because maybe you…[Read more]

    • You seem to be arguing from a place that assumes the author of this article and everyone responding are only speaking from the perspective of women being coerced, and from a place where only women can use sex as a “bargaining tool”.

      Do you know why I was so hurt when my fwb denied me sex? Because he was using it to wield power over me. “Be…[Read more]

      • marilove – In the article, Olivia repeatedly talks about the trope that men want sex and women withhold as a power play, men will get it elsewhere if they don’t get it at home, advice columns routinely talk about ‘always women’ withholding sex, and “underlying all of these myths is the assumption that sex is about ownership rather than about a…[Read more]