Existential crises and epiphanies of the teenage mind

Firstly I’d like to apologise for my lack of writing all the angry/weird/ranty things this past month, if you didn’t already know I’m a first year university student. It’ s been a busy two months. Between exam stress, sorting out bills for a new flat share (why does nobody teach you these things???), moving back home for the summer and fiercely denying I am in anyway prepared for life; I’ve been a little off kilter. Sorry about that, hopefully the great expanse of time ahead of me will mean I write more posts and you never know  maybe work on some fun projects. Alas I can already for see my devolution into tv shows and novels…

Secondly, I’d like to talk about university. My understanding of the American school system is limited so I’m talking purely from a British standpoint here. My first year of university has been terrifying, exciting, fun, stressful and a bunch of other adjectives which cumulate with the phrase ‘happy, but nauseous’. It’s been an eye opening year, not only have I learned a lot, I’ve also changed a lot and realised not too gracefully,  that no one knows what they’re doing.

I’m prone to internal existential crises, which as I’ve been told all too often is probably because ‘I think too much’ (a truer truth hath never been spoketh). Why, what do you mean Manatee? I mean that I’m a goal orientated person, it’s what got me through my A levels to University, but what now? A question surrounded by too many worried expressions and strange bits of fluff you don’t remember collecting in your pockets. A question I can’t really answer, which is terrifying.

I connect with squidward on a few too many levels

I connect with squidward on a few too many levels.

University has meant I’ve met incredible people I’m privileged to call my friends and it has allowed me to be more involved with the things I am passionate about. However, it’s also been one of the most stressful experiences of my life and my brain does not cope with stress well. Being thrown into a new city to live with strangers I have never met before and being pressured into awkward drunken social situations is not my idea of fun or relaxation or good ideas or good anything really. Fresher’s week is an enigma. Then there’s the fun of living on your own and looking after yourself properly on a low budget, oh the joy of independence.

It’s funny how unprepared I was for this year and what looks like the rest of my life, but there’s the thing, I don’t think anyone really is. Some people just deal with the high stress that living brings, better than others. Maybe I’m pointing out the obvious here and it’s telling of how naive I can be, but not having a plan for at least this portion of my life, is scary as hell.

With that in mind, I’ve probably had the best year of my life so far. I’m incredibly lucky to be where am right now, pursuing a degree which both challenges and excites me. I don’t really know where I’m heading after this and I think I need to be a little more okay with that. So there’s my “aaaah I’m afraid of the future!” post, how about you guys? Does the thought of what you’ll be doing in ten years terrify you? Do you have a plan?

Featured image: http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=1488
2nd image: http://www.quickmeme.com/Future-Shock-Squidward


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Floatingmanatee also known as Alice, is a certified Zoologist living in Britain and has an unhealthy love of weird creatures. She's bisexual, a lover of books, TV, film and anything else that tells a story. Generally she's either angry or sad or both about the state of the world, but watching youtube videos of cute animals makes her feel better.

Profile pic art: https://www.etsy.com/uk/people/MATTY8080?ref=owner_image_profile_leftnav

1 Comment

  1. July 6, 2014 at 1:01 pm —

    Oh man…there is no way I could have lived on my own my first year of college. I lived in the dorms my first two years, then off campus after that. I still probably wasn’t ready. Also, as long as you don’t decide after you finish all your schooling that you want to do something totally different, you can always consider yourself more of an adult than me 🙂

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